xxsorrowxx's Diaryland Diary



I never thought anything good could come out of tragedy.
I always thought the death of a loved one could only lead to sorrow and pain.
I was wrong.
My uncle killed himself last July.
Hung himself from a tree at a creek.
The only man who I could ever look at and think of as really being my father had left me.
I understand.
I don't want to.
But I do.
Sometimes the pain of being alive is just too much.
My life up until then had gotten better.
I was happy for once.
It was the strangest thing to me.
My world came crashing down around my ears the moment I found out about Jeremy.
How could I have known that I would gain perfection from such awful pain?
The next day I went to see Gage to make sure he wasn't breaking from the loss of the only father we'd ever really known.
I'm sure he didn't think his offhand comment would spark this but I'm glad it did.
"Taylor ate lunch with me today."
"I told her about Jeremy."
"She wanted me to let you know that she feels so bad about this."
"She hopes you're okay."
"She thought you'd be angry about her saying that though because she thinks you hate her."
My heart.
My heart that had been gone for so long, clutched in the hands of a mere girl came alive again.
I debated for two days about whether I should thank her, whether I should talk to her and ask her forgiveness for everything I had done to her before.
I thought it would be hard.
I thought there would be an awkwardness to our conversation, a barrier that had been put up between us in the last three years.
Instead, it was like we had stopped in the middle of a conversation and picked up where we left off three years ago.
She came to the funeral.
The only reason I stayed sane was her presence.
When she was leaving she wrapped her arms around me and neither of us could find the strength to let go.
I followed her to the park and we talked.
We ended up in each others arms again.
Then the buildup, the moment that seemed to last forever, with eyes locked between lips and eyes, and heartbeats that pound through your chest, and the feeling that the only thing right in the world would be to get...
One small kiss that would change the world for both of us.
One small kiss that would lead to me finding my heart, finding my home.
The awkward fourteen year old girl who I had set high on a pedestal, who had stolen the heart from my chest and kept it locked in her fist had grown into a beautiful woman full of beauty and grace and love.
I don't deserve her.
But I keep her heart tight within my grip.
I proposed to her almost two weeks ago.
The sparkle in her eyes outshone any diamond when I asked to share the rest of her life.
Oh, she is not perfect.
She has as many flaws as I do.
But those flaws are beautiful and I love each and every one.
Every moment that passes I grow happier.
My life is overflowing with joy because of her.
I've finally found my home.

5:33 p.m. - 2012-02-23


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